Hawkes (Mis)Fortune
by Billini
Summary: After 3 years of waiting for Fenris to make up his mind, Jill Hawke has one passionate night with Zevran... and gets pregnant from the assassin. No need to mention that with this (mis)fortune the real trouble only begins...
1. Chapter 1

It was starting again. Hawke inhaled deeply and tried to ignore the sickness in her stomach, but considering the fact that they had just killed a bunch of mountain spiders and were covered with their stinking blood only intensified the feeling.

"Hawke?" Aveline sounded concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Yes..."

"You don't look like you are alright", Anders interfered and came closer. She wanted to tell him to let her alone, but when she opened her mouth, the sickness became suddenly too much. With a gulp she shot forwards and vomitted behind the next bush.

Maker, what the hell was wrong with her? Since days it was now going on like this. Things that had never sickened her sudddenly made her stomach turn.

Gentle fingers helped her to held her hair back. "Sweetheart, since when do you have this nausea?"

"Don't know", she murmured and thankfully took the water bottle he offered her. "Since a few days. Maybe a week... well, maybe two weeks..."

"Every morning as well?"

"Yes."

Silence, followed by: "And do you go for... strange things to eat?"

"I don't know", she answered without thinking and enjoyed the feeling of the water running down her throat. "I mean... Yesterday I ate gherkins, and you know that I normally hate g..." Her head shot up, meeting his knowing gaze. "NO! No way. That cannot be..." But already when she finished the sentence, she knew that it actually COULD be. "Anders!" she whispered, pleading. "Can you find out?"

His brown eyes looked earnest. "Come to the clinic later."

"Is she alright?" Merrills sweet voice asked from behind.

"Yes", Anders answered instead of her. "She just ate something wrong."

Helping Hawke up, he turned with her to Aveline and the Dalish. Merrills' eyes looked artlessly at her, quite the contrary to Avelines'.

"I am fine", Jill said and forced herself to smile. "Let's go."

They never returned quicker to Kirkwall than on this day. And at the same evening Hawke had the proof that she was pregnant.

"Shit", she said when Anders confirmed it.

"Is it from the elf?" he asked, a nasty tone in his normally warm voice.

She chuckled bitterly. It was from an elf, but not THIS elf. What an irony that her only One Night Stand after three years of abstinency had let to THIS!

"Jill?"

Her head shot up, and all of her anger and frustration turned against the mage. "Don't talk to me like you have any right to know! And don't look at me with those fucking big, brown, judging eyes! You behave as if I did something utterly horrible!"

He pressed his lips together. " I am simply concerned that..."

When he fell silent, she asked: "That what?"

"That you get hurt", he eventually answered. "I thought that Fenris and you... I wasn't aware that you two are still..."

She closed her eyes and let her head fell back on the pallet. "We aren't. He isn't the father."

Fenris hadn't touched her since this night three years ago. Maker, at the beginning he had barely spoken to her, shame and anger and frustration in his eyes whenever their gazes had met.

Even though Anders stayed silent, she heard his unspoken question. Of course he wanted to know. He was her friend, and a part of her knew quite well that he had never stopped wishing to become something more. Still she could not tell him. Not yet. Right now she had to deal with this unexpected misfortune ... life... little, growing baby in her stomach... Maker, HER CHILD! ... alone.

Without giving him the answer he was waiting for, she got up and sighed: "Anders, please, don't tell the others. I... need some time for myself first."

Some time to find out how by the Maker she should manage to be a single mother in a place like this.

Because that was the only option left.

* * *

Hawke was pushing the door to the Hanged Man open and entered the bar. The sent of beer and parfum was washing over her senses, and another time her stomach coiled. She gulped and closed her eyes, breezing flatly. When she had calmed down again, she walked towards the bar where she had witnessed Isabela, talking to the bar keeper.

"Isabela!"

The rogue turned and looked at her. When she saw her face, the smile disappeared from her face. "Wow, you look like shit!"

"Thanks", Hawke answered dryly. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." Isabela was nodding upstairs, and Jill followed her to her room. When the door had closed behind them, she inhaled deeply and turned to the pirate. "I am pregnant!"

Isabelas eyes widened. "Wow. Fenris?"

"No. Zevran."

I was the first time that she faced a speechless Isabela. When the pirate found her voice again, she said: "When?"

"After we met him at the Wounded Coast. He came to me the same evening, bringing a bottle of Antivan Brandy with him. And... one thing let do another..."

"Well, what this elf does, he does properly", Isabela chuckled and added with a salacious smile: "He is good, isn't he?"

Memories shot through Jills mind: Zevrans warm breath on her face, his soft lips on hers, his skillful tongue in her mouth and on her skin, gliding down her body, licking her most intimate place with sensual delight...

"Yes", she answered, "he is."

"Best orgasm of you life?"

Suddenly tears filled her eyes, and she turned. No, not best. Second best. The best had been with Fenris, when he had been deep within her body, his body skin to skin with hers, his green eyes full of wonder and passion and need. She had never felt anything like this before, her arms wrapped around him, absolut bliss when she had peaked and feel him come as well, whispering her name...

"Hawke?" Isabelas voice sounded careful.

Without answering, Jill turned again. "You know Zevran, Isabela. How will he react when I tell him?"

The rogue smirked. "He will be delighted. Proud. Honored."

Jills throat went dry. "But he won't... ask me to marry him or something like that, will he?"

Isabela stared at her, than laughed heartily. "Zev? Maker, no." Her eyes narrowed. "This isn't what you want, do you?"

Relieve washed over Jill. "No. I want to take care of this child all by myself. I mean, I won't argue if he wants to see it, but I don't want a man in my life..."

Isabela watched her silently for a very long moment, and then smiled again. "He won't claim anything, Sweetie. He will tell you that he will support the child and you in any possible way and always come for you when you need him. But... well, to be honest: He isn't a man who wants to settle down."

Jill laughed and knew that she probably sounded slightly hysterical. "Maker, that's fine. I mean... that wasn't planned, but I guess it's fate. I never really thought about being a mother, but now that I will be, I like the idea. But I don't want any man to feel obliged to be with me."

"Don't worry", Isabela grinned. "Zev will visit you every now and then, look for the child and you, screw you properly and disappear again."

Jill laughed, feeling better now that she had clarified her biggest fear: That the assassin could try to become part of her life. No offense, but she didn't even know the elf. He had been charming, handsome, an utterly skilful lover... but nothing more.

"Alright, let's see if the others have arrived in the meantime", she said and opened the door, leaving the room.

"The others?" Isabela asked.

"I asked them to come", Jill said, not looking back. "I want them to know before rumours start spreading."

Isabela appeared next to her when she went downstairs. "I can't wait to see how they are going to react." And of course she couldn't help herself, but added: "Especially one white haired person in the group..."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all who commented and faved so far - I really appreciate it :-)

Have fun with the next part!

* * *

Fenris wasn't sure what to think about Hawkes invitation to the Hanged Man. It wasn't unusual to meet regularly in the bar, but the way she had said it to all of them in the morning had been... suspicious. He was sure that she was up to something, and he wasn't sure if he would like it.

Not at all.

Things between them still weren't how they had been before THAT night. Even 3 years later, their eyes sometimes met and there was a brief moment of hesistation, resignation... regret? At least from his side.

He knew quite well that he had ruined their relationship by the way he had behaved back then. But he simply hadn't been able to react otherwise. It had all been to much: Her taste, her warmth, their shared passion, the memories and their loss. When holding her in his arms and feeling her fall asleep next to him, he had only had one thought: Unworthy. He had felt incomplete when he should have felt the exact opposite, instable and insufficient. That was the reason why he had left her.

Slowly he was taking his place at the table, with his back to the wall and enough space to react quickly in case something made it necessary. Varric was teasing Merrill about something, and Aveline was discussing with Anders about something else. Jill and Isabela were still missing.

When Hawke appeared at the top of the stairs, his gaze immediatly went to her, studying her face. It betrayed nothing, which made his bad feeling even worse.

Like always she was moving gracefully when she came downstairs, and the light of the lamps was reflected in her red hair. She had a few freckles on her nose, but looked pale. And... nervous.

Normally Hawke was NEVER nervous.

"Hawke!" Varric welcomed her. "I have to say I am nearly bursting with curiosity. What is it you'd like to tell us?"

Jill inhaled deeply and first met Anders', than Isabelas gaze. Even Aveline looked as if she knew something. Only Merrill was as oblivious as always.

"Alright, here it is", her gaze crossed Fenris' and moved anxiously away. "I am pregnant. And the father is Zevran."

Silence. Even though the rest of the Hanged Man was still laughing, arguing and talking, it suddenly seemed to be so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Well, except of the sound of Fenris' blood which was starting to boil in his veins. After the first shock was gone, all he could think about was: Wrong. This was WRONG! This shouldn't be Zevrans child, but his'. And than he had to fight the absolutly irrational urge to jump up, leave and find someone he could punish. Preferably the Antivan assassin who had dared to touch Jill, to lay with her, to...

Closing his eyes, he tried to calm down again. He had no claims on her. Had he really expected that she would wait for him? Three years, not knowing if he would ever be ready and willing to be the partner she deserved? He had NEVER given her any hint that he cared about her, except of the few times when he had told her he enjoyed following her. And that wasn't exactly a love declaration...

An ellbow pierced his rips. "Say something", Aveline whispered. "Anything!"

Only now he realized that he had been silent an inexcusable long time while the others had started to congratulate and hug Hawke. Merrill was babbling excitedly and Varric smiling proudly.

He got up and made a step forward. Hawke froze and turned to him.

"My congratulations, Hawke", he heard himself say. His throat felt dry, his tongue thick.

Jill sligthly pressed her lips together. "Thanks. It's not... as if I had planned it."

He did not know what to answer, but not answering at all also seemed to be no option. "I am quite sure that you know what might happen when two people... share these kind of things..."

Her eyes narrowed, but it was too late to take the words back. And to be honest: He did not want to take them back. Anger started to boil again, this time not addressed against the assassin anymore, but against her. How could she have allowed the other elf to get so cloe? Why hadn't she been more careful?

"You are right, I know quite well what might happen when you share... these kind of things", she answered coolly. "Maybe it was fate."

He froze.

"Well, well", Isabela cheered in the same moment. "As I said before: What this elf does, he does properly."

That did it. Something inside of Fenris snapped, and before he did anything he would regret, he turned and left, his hands clenched to fists, not looking back.

* * *

When Fenris was running off, Hawkes first thought was to follow him and tell him that she was sorry.

Her second thought was to follow him and ask him what by the Maker he was thinking!

In the end she decided that she wouldn't do anything at all. He had NO RIGHT to behave like this. And she had no reason to feel guilty.

Turning to the others, she ignored the pitiful or - in Merrils case - confused looks, smiled and sat down again.

"A little Hawke", Varric eventually said. "Let's discuss about a name for him or her, will you?"

"Sure", Jill agreed. "And let me guess: You already have some suggestions?"

The dwarf grinned. "Am I so predictable? But alas, you are right! Alright, here we go: In case it is a boy, I'd suggest Bodo."

"Bodo?"

"Yes! I had a nug once that I called Bodo. Actually I am not sure if it was male or female, so you can use the name for both genders..."

Rolling her eyes, Jill turned, just to be confronted by Merrill who offered some Elven names which were barely pronouncable, followed by Isabela who suggested to name Hawkes daughter after a famous Rivaini whore.

It was a long evening, and when she left the Hanged Man, Jill had decided that she would wait with the name for her child for a long time... a very long time. And she definitly wouldn't discuss it with her friends...

Aveline accompanied her home. "Are you alright, Hawke?"

"Yes... no... yes..."

The Guard Captain raised an eyebrow.

"I mean: I was shocked, but now I am happy. But also... afraid..."

"You aren't alone, Hawke. We are all here for you. And Fenris... he will calm down..."

"He had no right to behave like this!"

"No", Aveline agreed. "But it shows that he still cares for you."

Jill snorted. "What a way of showing is that? He more or less called me a whore!"

"Isn't that a bit theatralic?"

"No! It is..." Hakw sighed. "Well, maybe a bit, yes."

They continued walking, both silent. Eventually Avline said: "You also still care for him, don't you?"

Jill pressed her lips togther and tried to deny it, but wasn't able to. They both knew the truth. "It doesn't matter anymore", she murmured. "It's over. I should start to accept it and move on."

Some minutes later they arrived in Hightown where Aveline wished her a good night and left for Viscounts Keep. Hawke approached the entrance to her mansion, completely lost in thoughts, and entered it, trying not to think about the fact that she wouldn't be awaited by her mother anymore. It was now two months ago since Leandra had died, but still it felt kind of irreal. No sorrow, no questions where Jill had been and why she was again covered in blood.

Maker, she wished more that ever before that her mother was still with her.

The thought got lost when she saw who was waiting for her in the entry hall. Bodahn appeared at the other side of the room, but she just shook her head and he silently disappeared, leaving her with Fenris alone.

The elf waited for her at the same place he had done last time he had been visiting her. 3 yeas ago, in the night when they had made love.

She couldn't help herself, but the sight of him brought the memories back: Of his taste, his warmth, his desperate, feverish kisses. Jill remembered his touch as if had been yesterday.

"Hawke", he welcomed her and stood up. "I am here to... apologize for my behavior."

She did not know what to say. Part of her thought that she should be thankful and relieved that he wasn't really judging upon her, but there was another part - a much bigger part - which was suddenly furious.

"Oh, how very generous of you", she hissed and approached him. "Tell me: For what exactly do you want to apologize?" She wouldn't let him get away so easily.

He froze and pressed his lips together, than quite obviously forced himself to answer: "For suggesting that you did not know what you were doing."

She stared at him, than laughed. "I DID not know what I was doing! Or do you really think that happened on purpose?"

He was taken aback, and she used his spechlessness to move on.

"Actually what you said was right, Fenris: I know what can happed when you share things like this, but I still did not take precautions. And you know what?" Now she was standing directly in front of him. "I enjoyed it! For one fucking time in my life I simply let go and did not think about the consequences!"

His eyes suddenly were blazing green. "So you wanted this?"

She laughed harshly. "I wanted HIM. I wanted a man who was able to let me forget everything. For 3 years I have been lying awake nearly every night, wondering what... but that doesn't matter anymore. Zevran certainly isn't the love of my life, but the father of my child. We will see where that leads..."

Passing him, she was stopped by his hand grapping her wrist. "Do you really think an assassin is a suitable partner for you?"

"Well, considering the fact that I am surrounded by a band of misfits, that doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

He growled and his markings started to blaze slightly. "Hawke!"

She was trying to free herself from his grip, but he did not let go. Turning to him again, she looked him into his beautiful, angry eyes and asked: "What is it, Fenris? Who would be more suitable for me in your opinion?"

They stared at each other, both breathing heavily. There was a mixture of emotions on his face: Rage, pain, hesitation... passion? She knew that she shouldn't hope for it, but a part of her was screaming: Say that it is you! Claim me! Make me yours!

When he let go of her wrist, all she could do was to smile bitterly and say: "I see. Good night, Fenris. And thanks for your visit."

And with these words, she turned and went upstairs, leaving him behind and fighting the stupid tears which were starting to burn in her eyes...


	3. Chapter 3

Being pregnant turned out to be more complicated than Hawke had anticipated. She had been lucky because her nausea had stopped quite quickly after finding out what was the reason for it, but suddenly she had a completely different problem: Fighting.

Not doing it, because she was as trained and fit as always and it would still last weeks until her stomach would grow.

No, her problem was the behavior of her overprotective friends, who wanted her to step back, who pushed themselves in front of her, who tried to protect her from being attacked and therefore created chaos on the battlefield. She had been angry first, had shouted and argued, only to realize aprubtly that she in fact had now the responsibility for two lives and not only her own anymore.

Ironically Fenris was the worst of them all. He always seemed to stay at her side or her back, a glowing, silent shadow who did not allow anyone to come close. He also sometimes interrupted her attacks when he thougt they were too risky and had one time even dared to push her to the side and take a blow that had been meant for her.

Maker, she had been so angry. Shouting and hissing she had told him that he should stay out of her way and her life, but he had endured her anger with stoic determination until Anders had healed him and told her to calm down again and that it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

After this event, she had realized that her friends wouldn't stop protecting her, no matter what she told them, especially not Fenris. Probably he felt obliged to do so to ease his bad conscience...

Anyway: If she could not stop them, it seemed to be time to adapt her own behavior and take over another role within their group, at least within fights. So she had started to concentrate on exploiting her enemies weaknesses and scoring critical hits. It required a lot of patience - a talent she wasn't exactly known for - so she wasn't really satisfied with herself and always thought she should do better.

Hence the visit of a certain assassin came just in time.

Zevran was strolling towards her as if nothing special had happened when she was on the market in Lowtown, looking for poisons. She froze when she recognized him, suddenly not sure what she should say. After having written him that he would become father, she had received his answer stating that he felt blessed and honored and would pay her a visit as soon as some problems he had with the Crows were dealt with.

Well, obviously they were now, because he was here and she was sure that he would not have come if he thought he may endanger the child and her.

A small, sensual smile appeared on his lips, and despite her better judgement her pulse kicked and made clear that the sexual hunger she felt now for some time, somehow intensified due to the pregnancy, wasn't a temporary thing. First she had been confused, than ashamed, than she had bashfully talked to Anders. After offering her with a smirk to help her with this problem, he had said more seriously that it wasn't unusual and she should just do what she wanted to do.

Well, easier said than done. Someone from her group was out of option - especially one person from her group - so who was left? She did not want to have one of the snobby nobles living in Hightown. It had been so worse that she had started to think about Seneschal Bran and Knight Captain Cullen: The first one an arrogant snob and the second one a templar and probably a virgin. Maker...

"Hawke!" Zevrans silken voice interupted her confused thoughts, than she felt his hands on her shoulders and his lips on her cheek. "You look even more beautiful than last time we met!"

Gulping, she managed to say "Do I?" and tried to ignore his scent and body warmth.

His smile deepened. "You do. And as far as I can see, you also look... hungry..."

Her face became deep red. How did he know... ? "I have just eaten something", she answered and turned to the booth next to them.

She froze when his lips touched her ear. "Well, I haven't spoken of this kind of hunger..." When she did not answer, he eventually added, his voice easy-going again: "But alas, let's talk first. There is so much we have to discuss. You should have a look into your room: I brought some presents with me!"

"In my room?" Frowning, she looked at him again. "Why did Bodahn allow you to enter?"

Zevran shrugged and played with a knife the merchant was offering for sale. "He didn't! I decided to enter your room over the balcony and prepare it as a surprise." Meeting her eyes again, he winked. "Don't be mad, Hawke. After all you have made me a present I had never expected to get..."

She snorted. "Oh come on, you probably have hundreds of bastards all over Thedas."

Pressing his hand to his heart, he pretended to be hurt. "I am deeply wounded, Hawke." Getting more serious again, he added: "No, fact is: I always made sure that the women I was with didn't conceive a child..."

"What? How?"

He took her hand and pulled her away from the booth. "Despite the image you obviously have from me, I like to plan my encounters very carefully. I seduce, we trink, I make sure that there is something in the drink which won't allow a child to grow..."

Suddenly Hawkes heart was hammering wildly in her chest, and she couldn't even say why. She felt ashamed, confused, relieved, all at the same time. "Why haven't you done the same in case of me?"

He sighed and touched her cheek. "Because... you have been different. Right from the start. To be honest: Part of me has not really expected that visiting you this evening would lead to our formidable night. But than I somehow lost my head, as did you... And it was glorious, wasn't it?"

A shiver ran down her spine when she remembered. "Yes, it was..."

His sly, sensual smile reappeared. "Wanna repeat? Many, many times? Because I plan to stay for a while...?"

Her heart stopped, because she was as tempted as she was confused by his offer. But over all she knew for sure that she was in big trouble...

* * *

One hour after meeting Zevran on the Lowtowner market, Jill came back home, told Bodahn that they had a guest and went upstairs, followed by the assassin who had started to smile expectantly. Mistrustfully she shot him a sideglance which he answered with a short shrug. Then she entered her room... and stopped halfway, catching her breath which was suddenly gone.

The bed was covered with an immense white fur, her vanitory unit with flasks and tubes, and drapery had been spread over her chair.

"Haven't you said you had only a few presents?" she eventually managed to say.

Zevran chuckled and passed her. "No, I said I have presents. I have never mentioned the word few. Actually that isn't even part of my vocabulary", he ended with a smirk and turned to her.

"What is that all for?"

He shrugged. "I thought the fur would be perfect in case the child and you are cold and want to cuddle a bit. It is from one of the white bears of the north. The drapery is for you to decide what you want to use it for - either for you or the child." Looking at a deep amathyst one, he added: "Well, to be honest: This one is ONLY for you. I am sure you'll come up with an idea how to use it..."

Still taken aback, she stepped to the chair and touched the silken material.

"It feels soft and cool on heated skin...", Zevran murmured next to her, having moved so silenty that she had not heard him coming.

Inhaling deeply, she let go off the material and went to the flasks on her vanitory. "And what are those for?"

"Oil and salves from Rivain", he explained. "They can be used for completey different purposes and are meant for the child's and your well-being." Taking one phiole, he added: "Let me show you. Take off your clothes!"

"Excuse me?" Maker, she couldn't believe how scandalized she sounded...and breathless as well.

Zevrans smirk deepened, and a glimmer appeared deep in his eyes. "You are tense, Hawke. Allow me to give you a massage. I promise, it will stay purely professionell... unless you ask me to do otherwise, of course."

Looking him into the eyes, she tried to find her composure again. True, she was longing for a mans' touch, but allowing Zevran close did not seem to be the best idea. Not after what happened last time between them.

Anyway: A massage did not hurt anybody, right?

"Alright", she agreed. "But turn!"

Raising an eyebrow, he did as she had told him and she undressed, only staying in her trousers. Than she lay on her stomach on the fur... Maker, it was unbelievably soft...

Behind her, she heard Zevran move and felt the bed shift slightly when he sat down. In the next moment he leaned over her and spreaded oil over her back. The scent of citrus and other, foreign flavours filled her senses.

"Relax", he murmured when he started to gently massage her tense shoulders. "Just enjoy..."

And she did... oh, how she did it. Under his clever fingers she started to relax. Her muscles felt as if they were melting and her skin was getting warm.

"Mmmm..."

"You like it?"

"Yesss..."

He chuckled and increased the pressure.

"Ouch."

"Don't be snivelling, Hawke. After all you are going to have a baby."

"Thanks for reminding me that I will be convulsing with pain in a few months...", she panted and flinched again while he was massaging an expecially tense spot at her neck.

He chuckled, but didn't argue with that. Eventually, the pain eased and her body shiftet into a state of comfort and warmth.

Sighing contently, she closed her eyes and pressed her face into the fur. Maker, suddenly she was so tired that she could fall asleep any moment...

Which was exactly what happened.

When she woke up, she was laying under the fur, a hard, male, hot body pressed against her back and a hand spead over her stomach. She was surrounded by warmth, and the scent of honey and citrus filled the air. Every muscle in her body felt heavy and relaxed, and a shiver ran down her spine when a thumb lazily started to stroke over the skin on her stomach.

"Zevran..." Her voice sounded hoarse.

"Yes?" he purred.

"I thought you said that you did not want to take advantage?"

His warm breath stroked over her ear when he answered: "I only said that I won't do anything you are not asking for. But that doesn't mean I won't take my chances..."

Laughing softly, she turned and looked up at him. He smiled and started stroking through her hair.

"I cannot do this right now", she quietly said . "Part of me wishes, but..." She couldn't finish the sentence. Although she knew how silly the thought was: It would feel like betrayal to be with him now. Even more than it had felt after the one night a few months ago.

"He is a fool."

She snorted. "I guess I am the fool."

"Well, that explains why you are both acting so foolish."

Pressing her lips together, she shifted and turned her back to him again. "It's not on me to take a step toward him. I did nothing wrong. I don't owe him anything."

"Is that so?" Zevran asked. "Then tell me, my dear Hawke: Why are you refusing to be with me when you owe him nothing at all?"

She froze. That was a good question indeed, and she knew the answer all to well...


	4. Chapter 4

Having breakfast with an Antivan assassin was most pleasurable, and that in an absolutly non-sexual kind of way. Zevran and Jill were sitting on her terrasse and enjoying the food Orana had prepared while he was amusing her with his ridiculously exciting life stories. He talked about the Hero of Ferelden, about his constant struggle with the Crows, about Isabela and the Pearl and more. Sometimes she got a glimpse of the child he had been and the losses he had experienced in his life, but mostly it was all about joy, pleasure and thrill.

She liked listening to him. His voice was smooth and melodious, and over all he was funny and quick-witted. There was no need to constantly persuade him in talking like she had to do in case of another elf in her life...

Well, that wasn't fair, and she knew it. The fact that Fenris preferred to stay silent instead of constantly ranting was actually something she always had liked about him. She knew that when he said something it was worth listening to it. Besides: Even if he wasn't talking, he still was speaking: With his eyes, his face, his lips. She all to well remembered the way he had looked at her before and after that night... how he had looked when she had kissed him and then pressed him against the wall...

"Hawke? Am I boring you?"

"No!" she hurried to say and bit on her lower lip. "Sorry, I was just lost for a moment..."

Zevrans eyes glimmered in amusement. "I see. Tell me: What do you plan to do next? Apart from saving Kirkwall from its own stupidity?"

She snorted. "I am starting to think that's a hopeless task. But... it's my home. Any you know that I have friends who are mages. My own sister is in the circle which is lead by a woman who is downright on the way of becoming crazy. There isn't really any other chance than to try making it better!"

"Well, than you should prepare yourself!"

Raising an eyebrow, she asked: "And how?"

"You told me yesterday that you tried to adapt your fighting style. I am quite sure you did this for a reason. Isn't that so?"

"Maybe...", she answered with a grin.

His smile became wicked while he was leaning towards her. "Ask me."

"Oh come on..."

"Ask me", he repeated, his voice turning into a low purr. "An assassin does not share his knowledge easily."

Meeting him halfway over the table, she teased "So you are asking for a loan?"... and froze.

The same thing she had said to Fenris after he had thanked her for her help with Danarius.

Maker, how long ago was that now? 6 years? 6 years of knowing this stubborn, broody, difficult, loyal elf and falling in love with him...

Pressing her lips together, she moved backwards and nodded. "You are right. I would really feel honored if you could teach me. And I am definitly willing to give you something in return... just not what you probably have in mind..."

"Ah, my dear Hawke, why do you have to be such a reasonable and at the same time emotional woman?" he sighed and crossed his hands over his heart. "Alas, no loan necessary. You are the mother of my child, and I want you to be able to protect yourself and the little one. I am ready whenever you are."

Smiling thankfully, she told him to meet her in the backyard in half an hour, went back into her room, changed into her training suit and came back downstairs. Zevran was already waiting for her, only dressed in his trousers and a sleeveless shirt. Smaller and a bit bulkier than Fenris, he still moved with feline grace, and the sunlight was reflected in strands of his blond hair.

They started to warm up and were afterwards executing several course of motions. For once he had stopped teasing and was concentrated, making sure to correct every error she made and use every opening in her backing to attack. Soon she was sweating and felt her muscles burn.

When her back hit for the 100th time the ground, she hissed in frustration. Zevran pushed his body into hers and grinned. "Impatient, aren't we?"

"Shut up!"

"Oh, and grumpy as well", he murmured and came closer, his warm breath carressing her face. "Don't you enjoy it?"

"Do I look like I enjoy anything at all?" she growled and pushed against him.

"Mmm, my dear Hawke, if you continue doing that I won't keep my promise..."

Her eyes widened when she felt something vividly hard press against her hip bone. His smile deepened, and he came closer.

That was the moment when she realised that Fenris was standing at the side of the courtyard and watching them out of narrowed eyes...

* * *

Fenris had not seen Hawke for more than a week now, and it had started to feel... strange. The bad autumn weather with its' storms and rain had forced them to stay in Kirkwall instead of hunting raiders at the Wounded Coast or dealing with thugs in Lowtown. Some months ago they simply would have ignored it, but now that Hawke was pregnant all of them had changed their behavior.

Ironically Jill had been the last to do so. For quite some time she had simply tried to go ahead as before, but than started to accept that she had now another responsibility.

Fenris and she had had more than one argument about it. She had called him a stubborn idiot who should stay away from her, and he had simply ignored her arguments because he had known that she did not want to listen to him. More than one time he had asked himelf why he was doing all this, taking care of her unborn child and herself while the true father was far away. The answer had always been the same: Because he cared for her. Deeply.

He wasn't sure why he had come to her today. Maybe it had been instinct, maybe fate. Now that he looked at the assassin who was pressing her into the ground while she was trying to free herself from his grip, all he knew for sure was that he had come just in time.

Rushing forward, he gripped Zevrans' shoulder and pushed him from Jills body. "Are you insane?", he hissed, "she is pregnant!"

The assassin didn't look guilty at all, but smiled at him instead, a flash of white teeth Fenris wished to crush... "Ah, the handsome Elven warrior. I must admit, I have thought more than one time in the last months about how gorgeous you have been looking with those flashing markings of yours. It's nice to see them aga..."

A growl errupted from Fenris' lips, than Zevrans' throat was between his fingers. "No more words!" he hissed. "I am not here for your amusement, and neither is Hawke. How DARE you treat her like this?"

"Fenris..." Jills voice, her hand on his shoulder. "Please, it was just a training fight. No matter how it might have looked like, it wasn't dangerous..."

Looking over his shoulder and meeting her gaze, his eyes narrowed. "You struggled against him, and he did not let go of you."

Under him he felt Zevran shake slightly and then start to laugh. "My dear Fenris, have you ever heard about foreplay before...?"

Fenris froze while Hawke cursed: "Zevran!"

Looking at the assassin again, Fenris saw him smile smuggling, not looking a bit worried. Even his body seemed relaxed, but Fenris did not think one second that this couldn't change anytime soon.

"Stop it, NOW!" Jill ordered. "Both of you! Neither was there any kind of foreplay, nor danger for the child and me! I am no fool and know what I am doing!". Her temper was raising and could be clearly heard in her voice. "The only fools I see here are the two of you!"

Fenris let go of Zevran with another growl and moved backwards while the assassin got up in a smooth movement and wiped the dusk from his dark trousers. "You are right, Hawke. I guess I was simply a bit too enthusiastic by our little training... fight..."

There was no way to miss the innuendo in Zevrans words. Fenris fingers flexed into a fist, and only with utmost control he stopped himself from storming forward and attacking Zevran again. Maker, why did he still behave as if he had any rights on defending Hawke like... a partner? Her man?

Gentle fingers touched his wrist, the gesture reassuring.

"Zevran, let's talk later and decide how and under which circumstances we will continue these training sessions. Fenris: May we talk in privacy?"

He simply nodded and followed Jill inside, ignoring the assassins' grin. Inwardly he was preparing himself for her anger and her accusations. The best would be to say nothing at all. It would increase her anger, but in the end it would make sure that he wouldn't say again something he would regret like the last time he had come to her and wanted to apologize...

She brought him into her library and closed the door behind them. Then she turned, and he could not help himself but to think how lovely she looked with her tousled hair and the slight flush on her cheeks...

"Thank you."

He stared at her, taken aback. Had she really just thanked himself...?

Biting on her lower lip, she added: "Oh, don't look like that. We both know that you have overreacted, but... I really appreciate your concern. It... means a lot to me..."

He was still speechless, not having expected this reaction at all.

When he continued staying silent, she anxiously started to move from one foot to another. "Fenris, I know that you aren't exactly the ranting type, but could you... I don't know... just say something...?"

He cleared his throat. "I... you are welcome."

A relieved smile appeared on her lips. "I am glad that you reacted this way. After our last conversation I thought that I had... destroyed something. I wasn't fair back than, did not want to hear anything from you. I know now that I overreacted as well." Suddenly her smile disappeared, and she turned her back to him. "Anyway: It's good to know that you haven't thought that Zev and I... well, that we continue were we stopped last time. I know, I said that I think about it, but... well you know... ah shit, forget it..."

She had lost him, but apart from that he did not like the way her thoughts were going. Truth was: Only his SECOND thought had been that Zevran could harm her child and Hawke with his treatment. His FIRST thought had been that the assassin had come back to claim Jill as his own. Maker, when Bodahn had told him that the two were in the backyard, he had more or less stormed towards it...

"Would it be easier for you to think I do not care if the two of you are together?" The words had left his lips before he had been able to stop himself.

She whirled around to him, her eyes wide. She looked confused and the blush on her face had deepened. "What?!"

He pressed his lips together. "Well, you seemed relieved that I only was concerned about your well-being and not..." Jealous. Which he was. Maker, she had no idea HOW jealous he was... "...about your love life", he ended, his voice betraying nothing.

She did not answer, nor react. Instead, she looked him into the eyes and suddenly started to smile again. A small, gentle, oddly irritating smile. He felt caught and had no idea why.

"You know what, Fenris: Sometimes the eyes tell a completely different story than the voice..."

His heart started to beat faster. She was still looking at him, waiting, and he knew with absolut certainty that this moment, as quiet as it might appear, was a moment of fate. Of choice.

And he knew that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he would make the wrong decision...


	5. Chapter 5

Jill tried to stay calm although her heart was hammering wildly in her chest. Fenris had probably no idea how he had looked like when he had mentioned her love life. Maker, she had told herself that she wouldn't give him any more hints that she cared for him, but when she had seen the jealousy in his eyes, she had not been able to stay silent.  
_  
Please, just do it...,_ she pleaded inwardly. _ Just say something, you idiot..._

If he didn't, it would break her heart for sure. But than she at least wouldn't need to ask herself if she really had tried everything...__

In the next second she lay in his arms and he claimed her mouth in a kiss so feverish that her bones were melting. She could not stop herself from moaning in relieve and returned his kiss, grapping his hair and holding him close, opening her mouth to allow his tongue tangling with hers. The feeling of being in his arms again, of feeling his touch, of tasting him... It was overwhelming.

"Fenris", she moaned when their lips parted and they were gasping for air.

"You will be the death of me, Hawke", he whispered and claimed her mouth again, pushing her forward and pressing her back against the library wall.

"I missed you so much", she murmured under kisses and couldn't stop her stupid tears from falling.

"Shh", was all he answered and kissed her cheeks, her temple and than her mouth again. "I am sorry. I should have asked your forgiveness a long time ago. I should have told you..."

When he stopped and pressed his forehead against hers, she asked breathlessly: "What? What should you have told me?"

Suddenly he looked bashfully, and a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. When he eventually spoke, his voice rough with emotions, her heart nearly stopped. "That nothing is worse than the thought of living without you..."

A laugh came over her lips, fully of joy and relieve, and than she kissed him again, opening his lips and showing him how much she needed and loved him. He murmured something in Tevinter and stroked through her hair, angling her head that he could deepen the kiss. She was longing to feel his body against hers, not separated by his damn armor. There was simply not enough of his skin she could touch...

"You are such an idiot", she whispered between their kisses. "Don't you see that I belong to you."

He broke the kiss and shook his head. "You deserve a better man than me..."

Smirking, she started to kiss his neck and traced his lyrium markings with her tongue. Satisfaction and need ran through her when she felt him shudder against her and tighten his grip in her hair. "A better man? Let's face it, Fenris: In your eyes NO man would be good enough for me..."

It was Bodahns voice that forced them to let go off each other. The dwarf suddenly said outside the room "Messere, no, you cannot..." and than the door already opened and Hubert Bartiere was storming into the library.

Fenris growled so loudly that the merchant came to a full stop and turned pale.

"Hubert", Jill managed to say and freed herself from Fenris' embrace, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it lightly. "What is it?"

"I... catastrophe, partner!" Immediately the Orlaisian was in his drama queen state again and tearing on his hair. "The Bone Pitt... it's distroyed, and the workers fled. A dragon!"

Cursing, she indicated him to continue and shot Fenris a side glance. He was calm again, and only the slight blush on his cheeks showed what they just had shared.

Hubert did not have any further information, but it was clear that the events in the Bone Pitt had scared the workers to death - those who had survived.

"I'll see what I can do", she told Hubert and he left again, mumbling that he was ruined if they did not work this out.

"You don't plan on going there, Hawke, do you?" Fenris asked her after the man had left.

"What?" She frowned. "Of course I do."

"We are talking about a dragon!"

"I know that, Fenris, but these men count on me. I have promised to keep them safe..."

"And what about keeping the child safe?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Fenris, stop treating me like a cripple. I know what I can do and what I cannot do. Do you really expect me to just stay here and do nothing?"

"No", he answered darkly. "But I expect you to stay here and let your friends take care of this."

"You cannot be serious! This is MY responsibility. I certainly won't ask anybody else to get in danger."

He cursed in Tevinter and grapped her shoulders, pressed her against the wall and whispered: "Don't force me to tie you to your bed to keep you from going."

Her eyes widened while a mixture of anger and exitement ran through her body. Suddenly she felt too hot and her skin too tight.

Slowly she was licking her lips. His eyes went to to her mouth, following the movement. "Tying myself to the bed sounds good", she whispered hoarsly. "But only for one reason..."

"Hawke", he said warningly, but pressed closer at the same time. Between her hips she felt his hardness, and wet heat shot directly in her core. Maker, how much she needed him... needed this...

"I heard there is a dragon to kill?" a silken voice from the door interrupted them. "Sounds like fun: When do we go?"

Fenris' only response to Zevrans question consisted of another loud growl that probably could be heard till the Bone Pitt.

Well, at least the dragon now knew that they were coming...

* * *

If someone saw Hawke and the stupid smile which was lying on her face, he would probably have called her insane, considering the fact that she was about to kill a High Dragon. Furthermore nobody would expect that the grumpy looking warrior who was wandering next to her was the reason for that smile. Based on the look on his face you would rather expect that he had just killed someone and not made the sweetest love declaration Hawke had ever heard about.

Not that he really had said that he loved her, but that didn't matter. She knew it. She felt it. He was hers, and she was his'.

That didn't change his bad mood. Actually it only made it worse.

"Are you still thinking about tying me up somewhere?" she teasingly asked while they were leaving Kirkwall with Zevran, Anders and Aveline through a side entrance.

"Maybe", he answered darkly. "You would deserve it for that insanity."

Smiling, she stepped closer and touched his hand with hers. "Believe me, I also would prefer to do something completely different right now..."

He turned his head to her, heat in his gaze. "Than do it, Hawke", he answered harshly. "Stay here with me. Come with me. Don't leave the city."

For the first time she really realized the degree of his concern... and that his need for her was as big as hers' for him.

She couldn't help herself: When they passed the first lump of rock, she pushed him behind and kissed him passionately. If he had intented to resist or stay angry with her, he failed miserably, because his only reaction was to kiss her back and stroke over her hair and the length of her leg which was suddenly wrapped aroung his lean hips. A subtle change and his growing hardness was pressing against her core, causing friction which felt far too good. A needy whimper escaped her lips, but she didn't care. She wanted him so much...

"May I join?" Zevrans amused voice interrupted them, followed by Avelines scandalized cough. Anders simply chuckled, and it sounded as amused as resignated.

Jill slowly pulled away, placing one last kiss on Fenris' beautiful lips, and turned to her friends. "No chance. He is mine."

Zevran pressed his hands to his heart. "What a cruel woman you are, Hawke", he stated. "Making out with another man, directly in front of your unborns' father..." The teasing note made clear that he wasn't annoyed at all. Actually he sounded quite satisfied, and she suddenly had the feeling that he had intented to bring Fenris and herself to exactly this point.

Meeting his gaze, he winked, than turned and continued walking, telling Aveline that he always had had a thing for red heads. The Guard Captain simply answered that she always had had a thing for using her blade on smug former assassins.

Laughing softly, Jill listened to the verbal exchange of these two people who couln't have been more differently and was thankful to call them friends.

Anders was walking behind Fenris and herself. She looked over her shoulder back to him while the Elven warrior was alertly keeping an eye on their surroundings and saw the mage watching Fenris out of narrowed eyes.

It was too late for him to change his mimic or let the anger and disappointment disappear from his gaze. She had seen it and it felt like a sting that he didn't seem to be happy for her. Smiling hesitantly at him, he eventually answered it with his own smile, but it did not reach his eyes. He looked tired and lonely, something she hadn't been aware of before, self focused as she had been. She would need to talk to him when they were back.

A hand touched her neck. Irritated she looked to Fenris and was even more irritated when he pulled her closer, so close that there shoulders touched while they were walking next to each other.

"Possessive, aren't we?" she finally managed to say.

He shrugged, a small smile on his lips. "I simply want to make sure that you do not stumble while looking back at the mage..."

"He has a name, Fenris", she heard herself answer.

He snorted. "I know that he has a name. But your focus should be on the street."

"Or on you?"

He still did not look at her, but his smile deepened. "If you wish."

"Do YOU wish that I look at you?"

"Hawke!" The way he said her name, with this deep, growling voice, let a shiver ran down her spine.

"I have also a first name, you know", she mentioned quietly. "And I like it when you say it..."

He sighed, a soft, low sound, and looked at her for the first time. "Jill."

Her heart made a ridiculous jump. "See. That wasn't so hard."

He chuckled. "You can be such a pain in the neck sometimes."

She grinned, not at least insulted. "There most be a reason why you are still madly in love with me after 3 years..." Her eyes widened when his' did. "I mean... not MADLY in love... just... you know..." She ended with a vague movement of her hand, and all he gave as response was a nod.

Maker, this had been a bit too much. She should definitly start to think before talking. The fact that he had kissed her did not mean that he was madly in love with her. On the other hand: Three years WERE a long time. And she for herself definitely WAS madly in love with him...

She flinched when warm fingers found hers and squeeze them lightly. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw that he was thinking about something he could say, disquietness in his eyes.

"I know", she heard herself softly say and squeezed his fingers back. "No need to talk, Fenris. You are here, as am I. That's all that matters."

He nodded and relaxed so visibly that she had to hide a smile. Another woman probably would have been insulted, but she knew him to well to be. He wouldn't be here with her, wouldn't have reacted the way he had reacted these last weeks, if he did not care for her.

They found a place to camp when night was falling and sat together around the fireplace. Of course it was Zevran who was leading the conversation. Eventually Anders and he were talking about the Warden Commander and the others were listening fascinated.

When the time came to go to bed, Jill went with Aveline to the river nearby and they cleaned quickly in the cold water.

"So, Fenris and you...?"

Jill smiled. "Yes."

"I am happy for you, Hawke", Aveline answered and returned her smile. "He is a good man."

"He is."

"A bit grumpy and paranoid", the Guard Captain added, "but apart from that: A good man."

"Thanks Aveline", Hawke answered dryly, returned with her to the camp... and froze when she saw that only Anders was waiting for them.

"Where is Fenris? And Zevran?"

Anders honey eyes met hers. "Fenris wanted to talk to him privatly. They left when the two of you did." When he saw her face, he added: "Don't look like that. They won't kill each other. They simply want to... talk..."

He already frowned before finishing the sentence and suddenly seemed to have the same bad feeling than she had. Neither was Zevran known for his subtility, nor Fenris for his patience when it came to the assassin. Everything in Jill longed to go looking for the two , but she forced herself to stay.

She had no right to interrupt. Whatever Fenris and Zevran wanted to talk about: All she could do was to wait until they came back to the camp...


	6. Chapter 6

When Jill and Aveline left, Fenris did not hesitate and took his chance.

"Zevran?" The assassin who had just streched like a cat shot him a glance. "I'd like to talk. Now."

A slow smile appeared on the other elfs' face. "How could I refuse such a nice request? Lead on!"

Ignoring Zevrans grin and Anders look, Fenris disappeared between the trees and went deeper into the would. He felt Zevrans gaze on his back and fought the urge to turn. Only when they arrived at a small clearance, he faced the other man. "I want to clarify a few things."

"I haven't expected anything else", Zevrans responded and casually leaned against a tree. "I am listening."

"Jill..." Suddenly Fenris did not know how to say what he meant to say, so his next words came out more bluntly than planned: "She belongs to me. And I want to be a... father to her child. Do you have any problems with this?"

Zevran was silent for a long time and simply studied his face. Wen he spoke, Fenris expected mockery, but he got the complete opposite. "I would be honored, Fenris. Actually I am relieved that it did not take you longer to come to this decision. I was a bit... concerned."

Fenris frowned. "So you wanted this?"

The assassin shrugged. "Of couse I wanted this, at least when I recognized that Jill deeply cares for you. Let's be honest: I cannot promise to always be there, even if I wanted. Knowing that Hawke and my child have a strong, loyal warrior at their side who would do anything to keep them safe is utterly comforting."

Fenris had expected a lot, but not to hear such a praise upon himself. Gulping, he did not know what to answer.

Zevran grinned. "That isn't what you have expected to hear from me, is it?"

"Not exactly, no."

"If you prefer that we fight, we can do so. Actually I can give you a good reason because there is one thing you won't like to hear."

Fenris frowned. "Do I really want to know..?"

Zevrans' grin widened. "Probably not, but I am still gonna tell you: I am lusting after Hawke. And after you. I think the three of us definitely should consider having some fun together..."

Fenris did not know if he should shake his head or punch the other man right into his smug face. "So you are proposing that I share Hawke with you?"

"Yes."

"In bed?"

"Or in the bathroom... or here in the woods... I don't mind."

"That isn't funny", Fenris growled. The thought alone was... unacceptable.

"Oh come on, Fenris. Just think about how much pleasure the two of us could give her..."

"I am perfectly capable of giving her pleasure on my own!"

"You are no fun." Zevran really sounded and looked disappointed. "Alright, then grant me at least this wish: I really would like to spar with you. Here and now, without weapons. Let's say that I want to make sure that you are really as good as you pretend to be..."

In this case Zevran did not need to ask twice. Fenris charged without warning and hit the assassin so hard that he flew through the air and landed catlike on his feet. Instead of looking confused or furious, a wide grin spread on Zevrans face and he purred: "Oh, THIS will be fun..."

And soon they were sparring in a way Fenris hadn't sparred in a very long time. It was challenging, exhausting and - he had to admit - "utterly satisfying" like Zevran would say.

They returned to the camp half an hour later, after having cleaned themselves in the river nearby. Fenris had ignored Zevran while the assassin had been intently studying his whole body and murmured again what a pity it was that he wasn't interested in his proposal.

Jills head flew up when they entered the camp. Fenris frowned when he saw the relieve in her eyes and crouched next to her. "Are you alright?"

"Yes", she sighed and took his hand in hers. "I just wasn't sure if the two of you wouldn't do something stupid."

Fenris snorted. "Have you ever seen me do something stupid?"

"Plenty of times", she whispered and came closer. He fought the urge to kiss her right in front of all of their friends... and failed. Softly he let his lips carress hers' and heard her sigh while her hand was stroking over his shoulder and his hair. "I am tired", she whispered when they broke apart. "Will you stay with me?"

He gulped, still irritated about the fact that this morning he had been angry and confused and now he was happy and had the right to be with this beautiful woman. Nodding slowly, he allowed her to pull him to her sleeping berth and ignored Zevrans whistling.

He was tense when he lay down next to her. Of course she recognized it. "Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

She would probably know when he lied, so he said the truth. "A little bit."

Jills eyes were soft. "Would you prefer to sleep on your own?"

"No."

She laughed about his immediate response. "Well, than we have a problem, haven't we? Because I'd like to snuggle."

"Snuggle?" He couldn't remember that he had ever snuggled in his life, at least not since he became a slave.

"Yes", she answered, followed by: "Let me show you." Laying her head on his chest, she put his arm around her shoulder, wrapped her arm around his waist and huddled against him. "And tell me when you don't like it. Promise?"

Looking down at her long, silken hair while feeling her weight against his body, all he could do was to nod and respond: "Promise."

It was a promise he did not have to keep.

He liked it. More than a bit. More than much. He had never felt anything like this before: Warmth and comfort and trust, things he still thought he did not deserve. But SHE offered it to him, and he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to live without it again...

* * *

Hawke was angry. And concerned. But mainly angry.

Why?

Because she was surrounded by her friends who were all more or less injured. No wonder, after all they had used every possibility to throw themselves in front of her during the fight against the High Dragon.

True, it had not been her wisest idea to confront this enemy in the condision she was in. Already during the battle Jill had recognized that she was more hesistant than she had ever been before. Still she would have been able to defend herself, but her companions had not given her the chance to do so.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Anders stumble after having healed a nasty wound at Avelines arm. He was pale and visibly at the end of his strength.

"Anders", she said and stood up. "Please, stop it!"

Out of blood-shotted eyes he studied the others instead of listening to her. When his eyes suddenly narrowed, she froze and felt her heart start to hammer when he approached Fenris.

The warrior had been silently standing next to the others, wearing no bigger wounds.

At least this was what she had thought. Now that Anders had drawn her attention to the elf again, she saw that his black leggins were drenched in blood.

"Fenris!" she shrieked and hurried to him. "Why haven't you said anything?"

He simply pressed his lips together "Aveline was badly injured, as was Zevran and Anders as well. All of them needed the mages' magic more urgently than I."

"WHAT?" This was Aveline. "Why? Some of the wounds he healed could have been also healed in time. Maker, you are bleeding to death!" Her gaze shot to Hawke, and she bit guiltily on her lower lip.

Jill could feel how her heart fell while she grabbed Fenris hand. It was cold, and it trembled.

Her eyes went back to Anders. With shaking hands he took another lyrium flask out of his coat and drank the substance with one big gulp. Than he closed his eyes and started to cast another spell. His lips pressed together, and sweat appeared on his forehead. She had never seen him so strained and exhausted before.

Maker, she was scared. What if Anders had not enough magic left? What if he would loose his conciousness?

Turning to Fenris, she asked again: "Why have you done this?" He voice was tear-choked. "You damn fool!"

A slow smile appeared on Fenris' far too white lips. "Don't worry, Hawke..."

"Not worry. NOT WORRY?" Now she screamed. "How could I be NOT WORRIED?"

"Ah, my dear Hawke." Strong, warm hands touched her shoulders and squeezed them. "I understand you anger perfectly, but I don't hink that crying at the bleeding elf will help. Besides, I am quite sure the handsome mage needs his whole concentration."

Zevrans voice was soothing and reassuring and helped her to calm down again. Nodding, she concentrated on holding Fenris hands and not disturbing Anders anymore.

When the mage finished his spell, he went to his knees and murmured: "Sorry, that's all I can do..." Meeting Jills eyes, he added: "I really did what I could do, Hawke."

Nodding and fighting her tears, she stroked over his cheek. "I know! Maker, I know. Please, rest now. Everything's gonna be alright."

He managed a tired smile and allowed Aveline and Zevran to bring him to his bedding. In the meantime Jill helped Fenris to go to his' and sit down.

"Let me see your leg!" she ordered more forcefully than intented.

He looked as if he wanted to refuse, but in the end gave in and allowed her to slice the thin material of his trouser open. She flinched when she saw the nasty wound, but at least it had stopped bleeding. Carefully she cleaned it and than bandaged the leg.

Fenris couldn't help himself and sighed in relief, than he lay down as well, putting his arm over his eyes.

"How is he?" Zevrans voice.

"I think the worst is over", she answered, her voice shaking. "Maker, I am such a fool. I should have never go there, shouldn't have allowed you to come with me..."

"It's just another wound, Hawke", Fenris grumbled.

"You!" She pointed at him. "You... just shut up. I am angry at you!"

He really had the nerves to chuckle, and the only reason why she wasn't hitting him was because he was injured.

Zevran chuckled as well and left the two of them alone.

No matter how much Fenris tried to give the impression that he wasn't exhausted, it did not work: After only a few minutes he was sound asleep. She sighed and stroked through his hair, damp from his sweat, than lay down behind him and closed her eyes.

She woke up from the sound of the night-time wood and inhaled deeply the smeel of fresh grass and leaves. Fenris was still laying with his back to her, breathing deeply. Carefully she touched his shoulder and forehead to check if he was feverish, but his skin felt normal.

"I am sorry, Hawke."

She flinched when she heard his deep, raspy voice.

"I did not want to show any weakness or make your worry. But I know now... that I have to change my behavior as well. Otherwise I won't be able to be the... partner you deserve. And the man your child deserves as..." He stopped abruptly.

"As father?" she asked softly and touched his shoulder.

After a moment he nodded abruptly.

Jill was silent for a long time. When she spoke, she knew that she had his full attention. "Do you even know how honored I am, Fenris? Do you even understand how much it means to me that you decided to be with me... right now? Unde these circumstances?"

"Hawke, I..."

"No", she whispered and pressed a kiss to his vulnerable neck. "No, don't try to lessen how amazing you are. And how grateful I can be that I have you in my life." Wrapping her arm around his waist, she added: "But please, don't ever do something like this again. You scared me to death..."

Slowly his hand was closing over hers. "I promise that I won't deny healing anymore if I need and can have it. But what I won't promise is not to come into such a situation again. Because I am also grateful to have you in my life. And I will do anything to make sure that it stays that way..."


End file.
